Tarantula Migrations Skip Michigan (Thankfully)

We complain a lot in Michigan. Snow in April. Potholes the size of kiddie pools. Construction zones that seem to last longer than most relationships. But here's one thing we don't complain about: tarantulas crawling into our homes looking for romance.

Tarantula Migrations: Not Exactly a Love Story

That's right—USA Today reports that while Michiganders are sipping cider and arguing how to pronounce Pasty, folks in places like California, Texas, Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, and Oregon are hosting a literal eight-legged love fest.

An outline of Michigan with THE DEADLY SEVEN: POISONOUS AND VENOMOUS MICHIGAN SPECIES written and pictures of a Black Widow, Brown Recluse, Hogsweed, Wild Parsnip, and a rattle snake, with KEEP SCROLLING also seen

Young male tarantulas are out here (thankfully, not in Michigan) forming spider conga lines across roads and campsites, trying to woo females before eventually dying of exhaustion. Romantic? Maybe. Terrifying? Definitely. Let's stick with navigating corn mazes and seasonal allergies. Thanks.

Michigan’s Wildlife vs. Desert Spiders

Photo by Ryan Hyde on Unsplash

Meanwhile, in Michigan, our spiders stay small, our snakes are shy, and the only thing sneaking into your bed is a mosquito with poor decision-making skills. We don't need to carry a "spider booping stick" while camping, and nobody's laying eggs inside our bodies (looking at you, tarantula hawk wasp).

Photo by Angga Pramadita on Unsplash

Sure, we could meet our demise thanks to some of Michigan's woodland creatures, but I'll take a car deer collision any day over a chance meeting with Satan's egg-legged, furry arachnid.

So you can keep your scenic desert hikes and "majestic spider migrations." We'd rather deal with unpredictable weather, lake effect snow, and our "sweatshirt in the morning, heat stroke by 2 p.m." lifestyle.

If Tarantulas Ever Came…

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But, if tarantulas do decide to migrate to Michigan, be forewarned: The star of Arachnophobia, Jeff Daniels, lives in Chelsea, and, perhaps coincidentally, that city is free of tarantula mating migration. Mess around and find out, you little eight-legged freaks.

The Deadly 7: Michigan's Most Venomous and Poisonous Threats

In Michigan, we may not have hurricanes or gators, but we have bugs that carry fatal diseases, blister-causing plant life, and 3 deadly native Michigan species.

Gallery Credit: Scott Clow

Hikers Beware: Look Out for Michigan's 7 Poisonous Plants

Heading out for an off-trail exploration in the wilds of Michigan? Save yourself the itch and the need for gallons of lotion by familiarizing yourself with the seven most poisonous plants in Michigan.

Gallery Credit: Scott Clow