Kayak Drunk? 5 Ways to Get a DUI in Michigan Without a Car

Let's just get this out of the way right off the bat:

YOU SHOULD NEVER DRIVE OR OPERATE ANY VEHICLE INTOXICATED

I proudly admit that I enjoy a nice IPA or 3 on occasion and they are notorious for having a higher alcohol per volume (APV) than your typical beer. I know after 1 if I decide to have 2, I'm not driving. I'm certain you would do the same. But let's just say drunk you decides: 'I NEED Funyuns (don't judge, they are delicious), I'm gonna take the _________, it's not a car so I won't be drinking and driving, I won't get a ticket!'. That's 'drunk logic', not the law, and drunk you is an idiot.

How to Get a DUI in Michigan Without Driving a Car

I'd like to say once again, never operate any vehicle while drunk, it's not a good idea and you will hurt yourself or someone else. But if you think you can stumble around the law by piloting another vehicle, you may want to think twice. Here are 5 Michigan ways you can get a DUI without a car:

1. Don't Drive Erratically on an E-Scooter

This is one vehicle that can be deadly when piloted by a drunk. E-Scooter accidents are increasing across the world, with several of them resulting in fatalities.

Related: Is This Vehicle a Michigan's Most Dangerous?

If you are putting them back use your credit card to call an Uber, don't swipe the scoot.

2. But I'm Not Even on the Road Officer?

On a trail? Drunk and operating a vehicle? Doesn't matter if you're on the road or not, you could get a DUI. Monroe County Lawyers note that side by sides, four-wheelers, snowmobiles, and dirt bikes amongst other ORVs are subject to DUIs too.

3. I May Be Tipsy But My Deere John's Serfectly Pober

Not sure why you would have your tractor with you at the bar but, if you're drunk when you step out, don't step onto your John Deere.

Related: Is It Legal to Pass a Horse and Buggy on a Double Yellow in Michigan?

You'll have to fork out plenty of green if you take that farm equipment onto a Michigan road and you're buzzed, you're busted according to Novi Law.

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4. On a Boat? That's NOT a DUI, But...

While you aren't technically driving while piloting a watercraft, you are operating a motor vehicle. While not a DUI, you'll get a BUI, which according to the law firm Lewis and Dickstien:

carries the possibility of jail, probation, and fines/costs

These are very similar to DUI charges, so don't do it.

5. Up a Creek WITH a Paddle

If you are on a kayak and drinking, you can be pulled over by marine patrols and issued a breathalyzer test. "But it's not a MOTOR vehicle!". True, but Kayak Papa explains:

In Michigan, it is illegal to operate a vessel while under the influence of alcohol. This includes kayaks, canoes, and any other type of vessel.

The keyword is 'vessel' and a kayak is a vessel at last check. You should also be sure to off the water before dark.

Related: Daylight Savings Time 2023! Here's When Michigan Turns 'Em Back

So there you have it! 5 ways to get a DUI (or BUI) in Michigan without being behind the wheel of a car. Drive, paddle, and scoot safely out there Mitten State.