Feds May Pull Your Favorite Cold Meds from Shelves in Michigan

Well, Michiganders, the mystery of why you've been sneezing and wheezing throughout life, even after popping cold meds like candy, has finally been solved. It turns out that we've been forking out money for drugs that do nothing! 

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Pop Crush Nights reports Federal Drug Administration (FDA) just proposed removing several big-name cold and allergy medications from shelves in Michigan and around the country because their not-so-secret ingredient, phenylephrine, doesn't work—at all—and never has.

FDA Considering Pulling Several Big-Name Over-the-Counter Medications in Michigan

Yep, the main ingredient in popular medications like Nyquil, Sudafed, Benadryl, and Mucinex is about as effective as a screen door in a submarine. And here's the surprising thing: Doctors and pharmacists have been giving phenylephrine the side-eye since 2005.

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Let that sink in—an entire generation of Michigan residents have been walking around thinking that Nyquil is a miracle cure when it's really been a placebo wrapped in fancy branding. Pharmacies, finally catching up to the science, are preemptively pulling these meds off the shelves, even though the FDA hasn't made its final ruling yet. So if Meijer looks like it's been looted, now you know why.

Doctors and Pharmacists Offer Alternatives That Work

Thankfully, some cold treatment alternatives actually work. Here's a list of options recommended by doctors and pharmacists, according to the Seattle Times:

1. Nasal sprays like Flonase and Afrin for short-term relief
2. Saline irrigation devices—yup, those bizarre neti-pots
3. Oral antihistamines like Zyrtec, Claritin, and Alegra
4. Behind-the-counter meds with pseudoephedrine (the real MVP of decongestants)

So, if you've been popping cold meds and wondered why you weren't feeling any better, the answer is simple: they were never supposed to work. So here's to 20 years of wasted dollars and stuffed-up noses, Michigan. Now, excuse me while I restock my medicine cabinet with actual remedies.