Five Popular Types of Michigan Women You’ll Meet Every Fall
The change of season makes Michigan women immediately "pick a side." One of five, to be exact.
This isn't meant to be sexist. It's what I observe with every lady among my friends and family, annually.
#1 Pumpkin Spice Princess
The Pumpkin Spice Princess loves everything Pumpkin Spice flavor.
- She doesn't care if it's pumpkin spice pasta like Rachael Ray makes or Pumpkin Spice Kale Chips (sounds gross).
- You'll find Pumpkin Spice Princess feverishly waiting for a special code from any Michigan Starbucks to unlock the first PSL of the season.
- If you don't love PSL as much as she does, she won't ever believe it.
#2 "It's Finally Halloween" Hannah
- Family themed costume chosen since school let out for summer break.
- The costumes are always hand-made.
- You might see her at any Michigan Joann's Fabric & Crafts as early as March.
- On social media, she's your go-to source to know the time & place any Spirit Halloween store is opening.
#3 Christmas Karen
Christmas Karen is similar to an everyday Karen. She will report something with good intentions, and it annoys people.
- Christmas Karen will be seen at Meijer or Wal-Mart having a great shopping trip until discovering the Trim-A-Tree Department. Then, all hell breaks loose.
- An immediate post to all her social media pages. She doesn't remember this happens at the same time. Every. Single. Year.
- Until Black Friday you can expect to hear her "shock & awe," "it's too damn early for this" and "taking the whole meaning away from Christmas" at every opportunity.
- Pro-Tip 1: Snooze her social media for 30 days and don't make eye-contact.
- Pro-Tip 2: If trapped in conversation, divert her attention by asking if she has watched the movie "A Christmas Karen." (IMDB has it listed) This will divert her attention while you fake an incoming call.
#4 Autumnal Ashley
Autumnal Ashley is easy-going when it comes to fall.
- She goes with the flow for the change of season. Everything happens at the time it should.
- First PSL when she gets around to it.
- Fall clothing in the closet when it's time.
- Halloween costumes ready to go as the kids are getting excited.
- Thanksgiving Dinner and the family tradition of the tree going up that night.
No muss no fuss! Autumnal Ashley is the antidote to Christmas Karen.
#5 Jingle Bell Jaime
Jingle Bell Jaime took a few minutes to observe the changing color of the leaves and the kids enjoyed trick-or-treating. Every year my sister, Jingle Bell Jaime, gets the kids in from Trick-or-Treating and TURNS ON Christmas lights immediately.
Notice, I didn't say put up the tree and decorate?
- Mini-trees: up and decorated in the kids' rooms since September 1st.
- Family tree: up two nights before Halloween. (She used to do it much earlier, but my brother-in-law couldn't take it anymore with four kids + five dogs it's a lot to keep a tree upright).
She takes heat from everyone in the family for going too soon.