Cage Free Turkey: What’s Next For Michigan’s Now ‘Dolly Pardon’?

What do you name a bird who is spared the fate of becoming Thanksgiving dinner? That's the annual question posed to Michigan residents, and with over 3,900 entries, we have once again proven our knack for sarcasm.

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Showing that our knack for fowl play (pun intended without shame) when given an opportunity, for ironic dubbing, the fine state of Michigan named this year's turkey: Dolly Pardon. Yes, my friend. That. Just. Happened.

What's Next for Michigan's Newly Free 'Dolly Pardon'

If I were on Dolly Pardon's management team (I'm not but we should be working together Dolly, call me) I'd suggest riding this 15-minute wave of fame to an appearance on Big Brother. Though reality TV has been a successful stepping stone for many, I'd recommend (if hired, call me Dolly) steering clear of the following shows:

1. Hell's Kitchen
2. Survivor
3. Hot Ones
4. Top Chef
5. Chopped
6. Naked and Afraid (unless feathers grow back...)

These shows are cut-throat (not sorry) and are stuffed with stress, like a pressure cooker. That type of stress isn't good for the winner of Michigan's Thanksgiving Hunger Games.

Hollywood is a tough place Dolly Pardon you're going to have to sit through a lot of uncomfortable dinners where you're treated like a piece of meat, but just dig in and peck right through it.

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Stuffing as many opportunities into this 15 minutes is vital Dolly Pardon but, while others will baste you in unnecessary appearances, where you simmer for hours in a cramped dressing room and only have 30 seconds onscreen, I promise (if hired) to keep you out of the frying pan and the fire. Call me Dolly.