Dear Michigan Winter: We Love You — But

Dear Michigan Winter,

Look. You're great. We love you. But — could you maybe take it easy on us this year? That's not to say we don't want an occasional blizzard here or there. Sure, dump a few inches from time to time, but how about a week of on-and-off-again sun after that?

We're not asking for unseasonable temperatures either.

Thirties, twenties, even some teens aren't bad, but how about we skip the weeks of sub-zero temperatures this year? We get it, Michigan Winter — you're cold — but the teens are a great way to remind us of that. There is no need for our extremities to go numb while simultaneously feeling the inside of our noses instantly freeze when stepping into minus "this is why people move to Florida" degrees, for several days on end.

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Also, while we, as Mitten State residents, understand that snow is part of your Michigan Winter job description, we request you completely skip ice storms this year. Sure, they are gorgeous — when you have power. Of course, Instagram is filled with images of icicles on trees — but those are posted by those who have electricity and can charge their phones. We know this means we won't be able to laugh at Reels of people falling on sidewalks, but we'll take the bad with the good.

This is Never Easy to Say to Anyone

Know when you've worn out your welcome. Read the room, Michigan Winter, read the room. We're ready for the patio furniture by mid-February at the latest.

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When you hear your first "Welp," followed by a slap of the knee around Valentine's Day, take the hint and start packing up. We love and appreciate you, Michigan Winter. Be nice this year.