This is satire and should be treated as such. 

I really thought we had this covered. Seriously, I don't know how you could have missed it.

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You were given sign after sign, yet, you did nothing. You just continued on your trajectory, hell bent on the course you had set for yourself. But what about me, huh? What about me?

I mean, YOU put me here after all. And I'm literally just doing my job. Sure, you could say that maybe they didn't know better. But how can you say that, when I was perfectly clear...

I'm short!

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Haha yeah yeah, I get it... poor, short, little Pennsylvania Avenue Bridge, boo hoo...

Kristen Matthews TSM Lansing
Kristen Matthews TSM Lansing

I get it, I'm a short king, and maybe that's the case (I am only 12 feet tall). But even if I'm a short king, that shouldn't matter, as long as you know how to read and count... Hey, I call 'em like I see 'em.

There are COUNTLESS signs warning you that you're approaching a shorty, yet, what seems like at least once a week, someone hits me and gets stuck. I've seriously lost count of how many of you fools have dented, pock-marked, and chipped away at my bodacious bod. Obsessed, much?

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How about this... next time you come at me, do it with a little bit more respect? And perhaps a foot shorter vehicle. Because let's face it, I ain't going anywhere!

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